I'm going to have an amazing senior year.
Everything had worked out the way I had wanted it to - all my plans, everything; it was the year I had been anticipating. I was looking forward to so many trips, tours, and events. I couldn't wait to walk across the stage at the end of the year to shake my principal's hand, smile for my dad's camera, and receive my diploma. I could just picture my family and friends out in the audience, clapping and cheering.
Senior year - the icing on the proverbial scholastic cake.
And then...everything I thought I knew disintegrated into nothing because of a virus.
God, why? I had so many great plans...
We all have expectations about the world around us and how it should function. Most of the time, our expectations are met and we take it for granted that life operates a certain way. But when our entire world is shaken, we realize just how little we can truly rely on.
When our expectations aren't met, it can really cause a lot of confusion and pain.
It certainly caused a lot of confusion and pain for Mary and Martha.
John 11 tells the story of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus; siblings who were close friends of Jesus. When Lazarus became sick, Mary and Martha sent for Jesus to come heal their brother. You'd expect that upon hearing of His close friend's illness, Jesus would have immediately dropped everything He was doing to heal Lazarus. That was what Mary and Martha were expecting. The deal is...He kind of didn't do that.
After staying in the city He was in for a couple more days, Jesus finally decided to make the trip to Lazarus' hometown. By the time He got there, Lazarus was dead.
What's up, Jesus? I needed a miracle and nothing happened. I had faith in You and Your power and You didn't come through.
I can't help but relate with Mary and Martha here. They were heartbroken, and to add the seemingly unconcerned attitude of God to their grief must have been devastating.
"Lord, if You had been here my brother would not have died." (John 11:21, 32 | NKJV)
God, if You had been present in this situation earlier I wouldn't be in the mess I'm in now. It's too late now; You waited too long. It's beyond hope.
Mary's and Martha's expectations had been crushed. As they led Jesus to Lazarus' tomb so He could pay His respects, they were probably feeling so hurt and shattered.
Are You even listening? Do You even care?
"Jesus wept." (John 11:35 | NKJV)
The God of the universe, crying. The Creator of galaxies, intimately feeling Mary's and Martha's pain as much, if not more, than they themselves were. I think we often forget that even when our expectations aren't met and we're bitterly disappointed and heartbroken, God feels every twinge of pain and every stab of anguish with even more clarity and immediacy than we do - and He chooses to. In choosing to love us, He is deliberately taking in all of our pain and suffering. God is the one who suffers the most when we hurt.
"Lazarus, come forth!" (John 11:43 | NKJV)
My plans for you are so much greater than your own expectations; trust Me in this. Surrender your expectations to Me so I can give them back with more fullness and joy and completion than you would ever have been able to imagine on your own. Let Me be your expectation so I can show you the unbelievable reality I have in store for you.
It's so easy to see pain as the end of our expectations. We think that pain wins in the game of expectation vs. reality; but it's God who's the winner. He blows our expectations out of the water with His reality for us.
I think we tend to silence or change our expectations because we don't want to be disappointed later. With less expectancy, there's less potential for pain. But there's also less potential for joy.
As a friend of mine put it, "God doesn't want us to change our expectations; He wants us to transfer them to Jesus."
I absolutely love this quote by one of my favorite authors, Ellen White:
"Jesus is the fullness of our expectation. He is the melody of our songs, the shadow of a great rock in a weary land. He is living water to the thirsty soul. He is our refuge in the storm. He is our righteousness, our sanctification, our redemption. When Christ is our personal Saviour, we shall show forth the praises of Him who hath called us out of darkness into His marvelous light." (EGW, Reflecting Christ)
This quote makes it really clear that living with our expectation in God doesn't bring less joy; it bring abundant joy! Jesus is the fullness of our expectation. Everything we're searching for is found in Him. We'll never be shaken when our expectation is in Him, because He never changes.
"My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him." (Psalm 62:5 | NKJV)
I never expected this year to turn out the way it has. And honestly, it's the most disappointing thing I've ever been through to lose everything I was counting on. But in the process of having my expectations shattered, I've come to realize that my ultimate expectation is in Jesus, and He won't fail me.
God is bigger than death; He's bigger than sickness; He's bigger than disappointment; He's bigger than my circumstances, whatever they may be; He's bigger than my expectations; He's bigger than my reality; and He's bigger than me.
So I'm going to trust Him with my expectations and plans, because even though it seems like they haven't been fulfilled right now, I know that He's about to make so much beauty come from this experience that I'll wonder why I ever expected such small things.
Expectation vs. reality: who wins?
God.