I've never been in the military, but I imagine being instructed by a drill sergeant might feel very similar to being instructed about hair by my classmate Beverly.
I can distinctly remember the first time I casually made an offhanded remark about my hair being curly. Before the sentence left my mouth, I was being dragged across the school cafeteria and shoved into a chair while Beverly and another classmate, Tina, shook me like a rag doll.
"WHAT?!?! Your hair is CURLY and you NEVER leave it down??"
"HOW have we been classmates for this long and I DIDN'T KNOW that you had CURLY HAIR?!?!"
"We NEED to teach you how to take care of your hair. You're gonna look GORGEOUS!"
I guess some context would be useful here.
I've never been super confident about my hair. In fact, it's one of the things I'm most self-conscious about when it comes to my appearance. But the problem is, I was pretty tomboyish growing up, so I never spent any time learning how to do my hair. By the time I got to the point where I cared about what my hair looked like, I felt too embarrassed to start learning how to do it. It stressed me out. And when things stress me out, I tend to push them out of my mind.
So a ponytail was my go-to hairstyle. I rarely wore my hair any other way. My hair started thinning and falling out because of the breakage my ponytail caused, and then my friends started noticing. They would tell me to change my hairstyle, and I would laugh and say, "Maybe." They didn't know that I couldn't do my hair any other way.
Honestly, I felt really ashamed. And ugly. But shame isn't a good motivator; it makes you see the worst in yourself and it pretty much blocks out any possibility for the best. So I kept the ponytail and the breakage and the super-thinned out hair.
Until Beverly. Anyone who knows Beverly knows that she's suuuper big into hair. People who saw the condition of my hair would almost automatically point me to Beverly while saying, "If you need help with your hair, go to Beverly. She'll definitely know what to do." I would nod and smile, but I never actually went to Beverly because I was too embarrassed.
Until the day I made that offhanded remark which prompted Tina to drag me out of the lunch line all the way to Beverly's table and almost scream, "BEVERLY!! EMMALYN HAS CURLY HAIR!!!" which brings me back to the military-instructor-type, very one-sided conversation I was having.
Before I knew it I was well into receiving a serious hair seminar. And I mean serious. Product names and hair parting techniques were being machine-gunned at me faster than I think they would have been if they had been actual bullets in an actual machine gun. When I finally left the cafeteria, dazed, Beverly and Tina were in the midst of planning a Target run to get some product for me to try.
When Beverly handed me a small, trial-size container a few weeks later, I was a little surprised. I didn't think she'd actually go to the effort of buying some hair product for me when it was pretty obvious I didn't take care of my hair. She risked spending her money on someone who might not even use what she bought, but she did it anyway.
Everybody had been telling me that I wasn't doing my hair right or that I should do my hair right; I had been telling myself that I couldn't do my hair right; but Beverly told me that I would do my hair right and that it would look gorgeous. And it was the confidence that she spoke into me that motivated me.
I started wearing my hair down. People began to compliment me on my hair instead of telling me how unhealthy it was. And I didn't go on to become Miss America or the epitome of self-confidence or anything - I still feel really sensitive about my hair - but I did start to have a little more faith in myself and who I could be, because Beverly already did and she told me so.
I learned from that experience that we humans don't respond well to being shamed. When we're shamed into doing something, the result (if there is one) isn't long-lasting, because we're operating from a place of guilt and embarrassment, which only drags us down. When people try to shame us into action, they're only speaking into us something that we've already internalized: I'm not good enough. This isn't for me. I'll never get there. And I don't know about you, but I've never seen someone accomplish greatness because they were told how wrong their ideas were or how bad they were at doing something.
We were made to be believed in. And if we were made to be believed in, who better to believe in us than our Creator Himself?
Hebrews 12:1, 2 says, "Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." (NKJV)
. . . let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us . . .
So we're supposed to get rid of everything that slows us down in life, and every sin that we enjoy, and then we're supposed to run a race. Races are hard. The last time I ran a race, I almost threw up afterward (and my friend actually did). Not only that, but have you ever tried to get rid of something that you really like? That's even harder than running a race. So where are we gonna get the motivation to do all this stuff?
. . . looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross . . .
According to this verse, we get our motivation from looking to Jesus. But what's so special about focusing on Him? Well, He "endured the cross". But it's not just the fact that He endured the cross; it's the fact that He endured the cross for the joy that was set before Him. And that joy was us.
Jesus endured the cross because of the joy that was set before Him, the joy of knowing He provided Life for us. But Jesus knew that we weren't required to accept His gift. He knew that all of humanity could completely reject the gift that He paid His all for. So when Jesus endured the cross for the joy set before Him, He did it through faith - faith in us. He endured the agony of the cross, and found joy in giving us Life, because He had faith that we would accept His sacrifice and choose that Life. The most powerful Being in the entire universe has faith in me. He has faith in you.
. . . despising the shame . . .
Jesus understood that we couldn't improve through being shamed or being shown how wrong we were or being told what we should have done. He knew He had to believe in us before we could even believe in ourselves. Jesus has every right to shame us, but He refuses to. Instead, He believes in us and sees the best even when we're at our very worst. God speaks His belief into us when we're low and reminds us of the infinite value we have in Him. Unlike shame, God's belief in us is a long-lasting motivator; an everlasting motivator, even.
We all need to be believed in, even when it comes to something as simple as hair. I'm glad Beverly believed in me, and I'm really glad Jesus believes in me.
I'm going to lay aside my shame and look to Jesus, because His belief in me will strengthen my endurance and motivate me towards the finish line.